Pokemon Player Comps

Player comps are fun. The imagination, creativity, and cultural overlaps they create typically make for good fodder and barguments. If you’re reading this, chances are you grew up watching hoops, and sometimes even with a gameboy/emulator in front you for the commercial breaks/third quarter lulls in action. So yeah, Pokemon Player Comps.

Features: Lebron James, James Harden, Kawai Leonard, Steph Curry

Quick Hitters: Kyrie, KD, Klay, James Harden again, Trae Young, Ben Simmons

Note: I stopped following the gameplay around Gen 5, so don’t expect any Mega-related analysis. If we were to do that, I guess we’d have to designate Mega as “Playoff-<name>” - maybe for a future time?

Lebron James is Dragonite

Dragonite is the OG OP character. That is exactly what Lebron is. Before you tell me “that’s MJ dude wtf”, we all know everyone who had their prime pre-2001 was basiaclly a glorified construction worker. Baby boomer’s aside, Dragonite’s wholistic dominance mirrors that of Lebron. I mean, think of the first time you stepped to Lance and found out he had THREE (3) Dragonites running the triangle and a Charizard coming off the bench. You were shook, you fainted, and came back with 10 revives and 15 full restores. Imagine for a second that a team had three Lebrons. They would be the undisputed champion. As an aside, Dragonite yields a maximum 3 EVs when defeated, which corresponds well with Andre Iguodala’s 2015 Finals MVP.

We can extend this comparison to Lebron’s weaknesses too. From a type-oriented perspective, Dragonite’s weakness is disproportionately ice-type pokemon. Lebron’s struggles against the Mammoswine-like Boris Diaw, in addition to his failure to dominate against J.J. Barea (Weavile’s 1st cousin twice removed) demonstrate how apt this particular comparison is. If one dares to propose Durant as an IRL manifestation of Rayquaza, which I do, or Giannis as a burgeoning Garchomp (though comparitively Giannis is much better off defensively), the Dragon-type defensive vulnerability checks out as well.

James Harden is Miltank

Harden is a tank. More specifically, he’s a Miltank. Anyone who played G/S/C remembers Whitney’s Miltank remembers showing up with their Quilava and getting absolutely bodied by what felt like the cheapest move ever: Rollout. There isn’t a better parallel for Harden’s unstoppable drives to the basket than Miltank’s super-effective rollout THAT DOUBLES IN DAMAGE WITH EACH CONSECUTIVE HIT. In additiona to the frustration faced when playing against Miltank or Harden, their bulky but agile (100 speed is not too shabby) builds pair well together. As a cynical Rockets fan, I will also point out that Miltank isn’t in anyone’s championship party.

Kawai Leonard is Deoxys

Bulbapedia describes Doexys as an “alien-like bipedal Pokémon” with multiple “formes” with the ability to mutate it’s body to have “humanoid arms with a red top and blue underside and a five-fingered hand”. This is actually just Kawhi Leonard (the red and blue make a timely pairing for his current stint on the Clips). The Deoxys comparison hits home when you consider that Deoxys exists in Attack and Defense form, which are each gifted elite Attack and Defense stats relatively. Kawhi is 95th percentile on both sides of the floor, and while Pokemon requires you to take a Deoxys to one a handful of cities to change form, Kawhi only requires a change of possession.

Steph Curry is Pikachu

Before you bring up the elemental mismatch of “splash brother” to Pikachu’s electric typing, I would like to remind you that Pikachu can learn surf.

Elite quickness. Media starwalt (whether deserving or not). Defensive liability.

The evidence is there. Pikachu’s façade of a high special attack pairs well with Curry’s deadly long ball (which he shoots at a good-not-great percentage). While “Thunder” has an annoyingly low accuracy, it’s high power and variance match up well with Curry’s preferred mode of attack. Once you consider Pikachu’s rather arbitrary stardom in the Pokemon franchise paired with it’s overall lackluster statistical profile, the comparison takes on a parallel to Steph’s undeserved 2014-2015 MVP season and illogically unananimous 15-16 MVP. Simply put, the narrative sensationalizes a less-than sensational game play (how does Pikachu defeat Brock’s Onyx with Electric type attacks that shit will never make sense me).

Quick Hitters

• Kyrie Irving as Alakazam: each with the special-est of attacks, and both personify “woke”. I mean Kyrie put an all-seeing eye on the bottom of his sneaker. As the cherry on top, Kadabra can only turn into Alakazam in one way: Evolution by Trade. C’mon man. (Credit to my homie @captain_majeD11 for this one)
• Kevin Druant as Rayquaza: Rayquaza reaches of a height of 23 feet, and so does Durant’s release point when he floats through the lane on his jump shots
• Klay Thomspon as Kyogre: Fine, we’ll lean into the “Splash” element here. Sturdy, and unfairly high Special Attack and Special Defense. Kyogre is the pinnacle of 3 and D you heard it here first.
• James Hardeen could also be Slaking: very high attack and HP, with solid physical D (reflected in Harden’s premier post-defense), but takes around 25% of the plays off. They even have a beard to match. “During most of the day, Slaking lolls around and sleeps. It is considered the laziest Pokémon, but even when it is lounging it’s saving energy”. Slaking might be a better comp but I’m too lazy to rewrite this.
• Trae Young as Pichu: Pichu has a meager defense of 15, and Trae Young the defense of an elite 15 year old. He’s basically Steph Curry lite.
• Ben Simmons as Eevee: Could evolve into a lot of things. A lot of cool things. Currently useless

If you have more ideas, leave a comment!